The Nature of You
by Havoc
Summary: With his lover in a coma, Wolverine is desperate to try anything that may work to save her. Please read and review.
1. Speaking Without Words

Speaking Without words

_ Well I stepped into an avalanche,   
it covered up my soul;   
when I am not this hunchback that you see,   
I sleep beneath the golden hill.   
You who wish to conquer pain,   
you must learn, learn to serve me well.   
  
You strike my side by accident   
as you go down for your gold.   
The cripple here that you clothe and feed   
is neither starved nor cold;   
he does not ask for your company,   
not at the centre, the centre of the world.   
  
When I am on a pedestal,   
you did not raise me there.   
Your laws do not compel me   
to kneel grotesque and bare.   
I myself am the pedestal   
for this ugly hump at which you stare.   
  
You who wish to conquer pain,   
you must learn what makes me kind;   
the crumbs of love that you offer me,   
they're the crumbs I've left behind.   
Your pain is no credential here,   
it's just the shadow, shadow of my wound.   
  
I have begun to long for you,   
I who have no greed;   
I have begun to ask for you,   
I who have no need.   
You say you've gone away from me,   
but I can feel you when you breathe.   
  
Do not dress in those rags for me,   
I know you are not poor;   
you don't love me quite so fiercely now   
when you know that you are not sure,   
it is your turn, beloved,   
it is your flesh that I wear.   
  
Leonard Cohen  
_

  
Once there was rain, and lightening that lit the sky from above. Once there was wind and water that rushed to the shore in a wash of cool, clear bubbles. Once there was a man who was not a man, who made fire burn and boil in her blood. There was his voice, the low rumble of thunder, and his touch like nothing else in the world. There was a child, a young woman, whose love was an almost impossible gift, whose every hug was a miracle. There were books, hundreds of them, each better than the last, and the feel of smooth paper, of finding yourself in a story, finding that world as real as your own. There were students she could share the power of language with, in the hopes that just one of them would wake up and love it like she did. There was laughter and friends she could stay up all night talking to. There was a feeling of belonging, the first ever, and the feeling that things were getting better.  
  
Now there was only darkness and quiet and air so still it seemed to not be there at all. Things go missing, and as each vanished, it was as though it had never existed in the first place. There are walls, dark ones that go all the way out sight and they are so smooth you can barely touch them. She didn't know what was missing, or where they had gone, but she could feel the lack of them when they disappeared. On her face, indistinctly, she could feel wetness, and a cool salty poison, and she thought they might be her tears.   
  
But she had no idea why she might be crying.  
  
And she had no idea who _she _ was.  
  
* * * * *  
  
  
_beep...beep...beep...beep..._   
  
I'm sorry, Logan. It's a coma.   
  
The beeps meant she was alive. It was almost all Logan could hear, those steady beeps, the hum of machines, all the stuff Hank wouldn't have bothered setting up, if she was dead. No one, not even Hank, who adored Sera, would have hooked up all those machines to her, if she were dead. If he coulda looked at something besides her face, he figured he'd be looking at those machines and tracking the beat of her heart, the electrical impulses in her brain. But he couldn't look away. Hell, he'd do pretty much anything if he could just see her eyes again, open and alert. He was so caught up in telling himself that she was still alive, it actually took a few minutes before Hank's words filtered into his brain and began to make sense. Coma. The man had said coma.   
  
he finally growled. What's that mean? When's she gonna wake up?  
  
Hank stared, looking sick, looking astonished. It's a coma, Logan. There's just no way of telling. She might wake up tomorrow, or next week or.... his voice trailed off then and he just gazed sympathetically at Logan.  
  
His sympathy wasn't helping Logan any. Finish the sentence, Hank, he growled. Or what?  
  
The furry blue man looked away, no longer able to hold Logan's eyes. Or she may never wake up, Logan. We have to face that possibility.  
  
Why ain't she healing herself? I've seen her do it before.   
  
A grimace crossed the doctor's face. She's not like you, Logan; her powers aren't instinctual. They require a great deal of conscious control. Technically, she's not even a healer at all, it's just what she uses her gifts for.  
  
So she can't fix this?  
  
She can't fix this, he quietly repeated.   
  
Logan could feel the rage burning inside him. Sera had only been his... his.... had only been his for bout a year now, but... Damnit, he loved her. Okay, so he never said it out loud and sure, they weren't the perfect couple, weren't the poster children for mutants in love, like Jeannie and Scott were, but it didn't make what they did have any less there. And it was ripping him up inside, seeing her like this, looking like the dead.   
  
What made it worse was that Sera was no X-Man. Oh-no, she had put her foot down the very first day she came to the mansion and said she didn't do stuff like that. She was no super-hero. Team musta asked her about a million times, and she always said no. But it was the last time that did the trick. Damn Scott. The man had come to her, told her about mutant kids in trouble, and Sera, who was a teacher and a healer, well, she just couldn't say no. And Scott had whipped out that damn leather jumpsuit that he musta just had waiting in the wings for the day to come, and they were off rescuing those new kids from that drug company that thought they were gonna be the next Viagra. And here they were, 13 new students at the school and Sera, who might as well be dead.  
  
_   
I don't like it.  
  
What **do** you like? You don't get a say in this. Without turning around, Sera continued to look at herself in the mirror, examining the effect of skin-tight black leather. Any other time, he wouldn't be complaining at all, but he was hating the reason she had put it on.  
  
You ain't a fighter, he growled. You ain't in shape for it.  
  
A pause, then he coulda sworn her saw her eyes flash. You forget. I'm whatever I want to be.  
  
No idle boast that, he knew it. She could control pretty much every aspect of her body, could change or alter anything in her body... or another person's.   
  
You never wanted to be this before.  
  
I never had to be this before.  
  
Try to take me then, yer so good.  
  
There was an evil glint in her eye as she approached him. He pushed her down hard, hard enough to hurt but she just shook her head once and got back up, apparently unhurt. He popped his claws, curious about how much she could take. She put a hand on each of his wrists and there was pain and strange feeling he couldn't put a name to and then his claws, **his claws**, were crawling slowly back into his arms. He could hear the metal shriek as it was made to do things that it was never intended to do. Impressed, he pulled them in the rest of the way on his own.  
  
I don't member teaching you how to do that.   
  
I don't remember you needing to teach me anything, She flashed an evil grin at him, one full of dark possibilities.  
  
And a shiver of pleasure went through him, to know , to really see, that she could be dangerous. He had never doubted it, but to have it right here in front of him, well, that was a whole new thing, And soon, everyone would know what kind of woman he chose. A feral smirk cracked his face. Go get em, darlin', he drawled softly, I'll be right behind you . Enjoying the view.  
_  
  
  
Hank's voice again, interrupting him, pulling him away from Sera. Logan, there's something else you should know.   
  
What, it gets worse? he snarled. Worse than this? She's like the living dead.  
  
Well, actually, it could. The coma, well, it means that she has brain damage. There's no guarantee that, even if she does wake up, well, that she'll still be the Sera we know and love.  
  
The anger filled him up inside; it was like this whole different person living in him. Felt like the anger was about to rip out of his skin, clawing and tearing to get free. Hell, it hurt even trying to keep it contained, burned all along the inside of his skin. Times like this, it just filled him, too huge to be contained, until it came busting out and he wasn't Logan anymore, he was just the Wolverine. Coulda been, if Sera was awake, she could have calmed him, like oil on water. She was good at stuff like that, calming people down, motivating people, making people feel what she wanted them to. Empathy, she called it; the ability to both feel other people's emotions and project her own. He could do with some of that now, before he about went crazy. Thinking that, and knowing she couldn't be there, that her body was there but her brain, her thoughts, her Seraness was somewhere else, well, that just made it harder, made the rage burn deeper and hotter, clawing harder at his skin.   
  
Logan roared, he just couldn't stop it. All the anger, all the rage, it came pouring out of him in some kind of primal scream. Felt good for a second, felt clean. Wouldn't last, he knew, but for the brief quiet after the sound and fury, he almost felt human.  
  
  
  
It was a horrified voice, the voice of someone who couldn't believe what they were seeing. It was a familiar voice and Logan did what he could to rein the rage in at its sound, at its interruption. He knew that voice, knew he couldn't take out his anger on the speaker. He dragged his eyes off of Sera and to the medlab door. A tall, almost skinny girl stood there, hugging the door frame and looking terrified. Her dark brown hair was pulled into a couple of high ponytails, making her look a few years younger than her real age of 15. Her black eyes were round and scared looking. Terry. Theresa Hunter Jannhanson, Sera's adopted daughter, the real reason Sera had come to Xavier's mansion to teach at Mutant High.   
  
Terry whispered and Logan knew how wracked she must be, slipping and calling Sera a name she only used in private. Terry was shaking some, Logan could see, trying like hell to hold tears back. She wasn't a crier, had always been bent on showing the world just how okay she could be. But she was losing it now, all her careful masks coming apart at the sight of Sera on the hospital bed. All Logan could manage was a gruff, C'mere, kid. Hank was gonna have to explain, was gonna have to tell it to the girl. Logan himself couldn't do it. Just plain and simple, he could not say those words to this kid, who had already had enough hell in her life.   
  
Haltingly, Terry walked over. She moved like she didn't want to but couldn't help herself. When she got close enough, Logan reached out and grabbed her in his arms in a rough embrace. Normally, he wasn't the type to hug, but for Terry, he'd make an exception. And he knew she had to be pretty scared, cause normally she wasn't too much into touching people herself, but now she held on to him like she couldn't let go. The minute his arms went around her, she lost her fight with the tears and began sobbing uncontrollably, her fingers digging into him desperately, willing him wordlessly to say this wasn't happening, that everything was going to be okay. There was nothing about this situation that was okay. Terry didn't need to be told anything by Hank or anyone else; she already knew, had known as soon as she'd seen Sera and all the machines. Looking at Terry, so alone and miserable even in his arms, he knew there wasn't anything he could say or do to make it better. The girl was heavy in his hold, weak from her own pain; he knew that she would fall through his arms to the floor if he weren't holding on so tight. Keeping his grip on Terry, and his eyes on the the shape in the bed, the woman who had once been his lover, Logan thought he could feel everything slipping away from him. Out of the corner of his sight, Logan could see Hank silently excusing himself from the room, leaving them to their grief. The door closing behind the doctor was a fresh slam of agony to Logan's gut. The doc knew things were hopeless, he wouldn't be going otherwise. Letting them start their mourning in private, while her body was still warm. The urge to howl welled up in him again, but he fought it down for Terry's sake.  
  
There had to be some way to fix this. He couldn't lose Sera, not like this. Neither of them could lose Sera.   



	2. Calling Out

Calling Out

  
  
Figured they wouldn't say hello, even when answering the phone. Sera never told Logan a lot about her family but she never needed to; what few things she did share told volumes. He had never bothered with trying to meet them, or do any kinda weird family bonding thing; not only was it not his style, he didn't figure it had any chance of working. Jannhansons, as a whole, had a deepseated distrust of, well, of everyone who wasn't a Jannhanson. And while they had committed their whole lives to being the resident healers and mystics in their small mountain town, they went to great lengths to stay away from regular humans. Didn't even matter that Logan was a mutant, like they were. He wasn't a Jannhanson and that was all the difference needed.  
  
Yeah, _which_ Jannhanson? He knew enough about Sera's family to know that there were four living generations, all in the same house. Might help to know he had at least got a hold of one that was legal. Sera's niece was only thirteen, not real likely to be of help.  
  
Right, Raphie. Sera's older sister. Her voice was ticked now, irritated that it even mattered to whoever was phoning, which member of the family they were talking to.   
  
This is Logan, he said brusquely, guessing that was all the introduction that he would need and nearly all the explanation. He wasn't really in the habit of phoning them for an evening chat.  
  
What's wrong with Sera? Yep, called it in one. Say what you want, the women weren't stupid. Logan could practically feel Raphie getting pissed off. To say that Sera's family disagreed with what she did with her life was like saying it got a little chilly in Canada.  
  
Our doc says it's a coma.  
  
A very long silence then, no sound except her breathing out fast, like she got gut punched. Finally, she spoke again. How bad?  
  
Bad. He doesn't know if she's gonna wake up. Says she can't do it on her own. So I figured you guys could do it for her.  
  
We're not gods. We can't fix everything. It had the sound of a practiced answer, an answer she had given other people in the past. He couldn't believe that she should stick to the script dealing with her own sister.   
  
Yer not gods cause you don't want to be, he fought back. I know you don't screw with things that are meant to be, but you can't think this is one of them. Sera's twenty-nine years old, for God's sake; it's not like it's her time to go, or anything like that.  
  
We have our principles. Her voice sounded firm, rehearsed, but he though he could hear a real person under all of that, one that sounded sick with fear and sadness.   
  
They worth sacrificing yer sister for, Raphie? Thought family meant more to you guys than that.  
  
Silence again. Sera was the black sheep of the family, a rebel through and through and her family had never known what to do with her. But she was still family. Logan could practically feel Raphie radiating anger and misery. Given her gift for empathy, those really might be her feelings he was feeling. Sera had always said that she was the least talented member of her family. When you considered the source, that made the Jannhansons pretty fucking scary.  
  
We'll come. Raphie said finally. We'll come for Sera. But no promises. Even for us, what you're asking for isn't easy or fast.   
  
He hung up then. Raphie didn't want his thanks, he knew that. He guessed it was pretty much force of will that she hadn't just cussed him out and hung up, instead of being the even barely civil that she was.   
  
None of that mattered. If they could fix Sera, he didn't care how nasty the Jannhansons were to him. That clear in his mind, he strode off to the Danger Room. He needed to rip something into small pieces.  
  
  
The Jannhansons didn't travel much. In fact, except for Sera and Raphie, none of them had ever left their home town. And Raphie hadn't gone any farther than the state college for her nursing degree. Sera had continued her rebellious streak by traveling all the way up to New York to teach. So it wasn't a surprise that it took them three days to arrive at Xavier's School for Gifted Children, in upstate New York. Logan had been waiting for them, pacing in the hall by the door, when he wasn't in the medlab, sitting with Sera.   
  
Sera. There were no changes in her condition. All the machines still beeped, or hummed, or dripped, or did whatever it was they were supposed to do, but none of them had changed the fact that Sera was just her body now, a shell of herself lying there in Hank's medlab. He couldn't stand it. He wanted to be there for her, knew he ought to be there for her, but it was killing him. That wasn't his Sera. He could feel his Sera, he always could, right from the first moment they met. Even if they were apart, he could feel what she was feeling. She said it was cause her shields didn't work around him, or for him. He didn't care about the reasons, only cared about the what. But now there was nothing; no matter how close he got, there was nothing to feel. Even sitting right next to her, he couldn't feel a damn thing. He was furious at how important that connection had become to him, where it had once seemed like an invasion of his solitary nature. Seemed like something was missing now that all his emotions were his own. It was almost easier to be away from her, somewhere he wasn't constantly reminded of what had changed. It was the easiest to lose himself in the Danger Room, lose himself to the fight, to the rage. He made it down to medlab maybe once a day.   
  
He jumped on the intercom as soon as it buzzed. Xavier's School for the Gifted, he barked. Better not be some fool kid, run away from home, trying to get into the school. He didn't have time for anybody but Sera's family.  
  
again, no details, no clue that people might want more info. Screw it, so long as one came, it didn't matter who they were or how many they had brought.  
  
Yeah, c'mon in. Straight up the road. Can't miss the place.  
  
was the comeback.  
  
Logan thumbed the in-house intercom. Chuck. Sera's family is here.   



	3. Grandfather Clause

grandfather clause

Sera was a small, delicate woman with skin the color of coffee and cream, cinnamon colored eyes and thick, soft, pure black hair that she wore short and styled into tangly spikes. Sera's mother, sister and niece were all small, delicate women with skin the color of coffee and cream, cinnamon colored eyes and thick, soft, pure black hair. It was like looking at one person at three different ages. By herself, Sera was a beautiful, exotic looking woman. Taken as a family, the effect was creepy, disturbing in its sameness. It almost hurt the eyes, to look at the Jannhanson women too closely. Logan had heard all about the new leaps forward in cloning and all the laws set up to protect human individuality. This crew must be breaking about a million laws just by existing. So far as he understood, they were all pretty much clones of the first Jannhanson woman, the one who figured out they didn't need men to have kids. Looking at the three women who had come through the door, every damn one of those no-cloning laws made sense. There was just something wrong abut this, about the sameness.  
  
Age, hair and dress alone differentiated the Jannhansons. That was it, everything, the only difference. Three guesses why Sera had gone and gotten tattooed; gotta be the only way to really look like yourself with this family. One Jannhanson, dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt and her hair worn in a long, thick braid, stepped forward. You Logan? Take us to my sister.   
  
He just nodded, and led them down to the labs, where Sera slept now, or whatever it was she did. While they walked, Logan cast his eyes over the other Jannhansons. Okay, if the one who talked to him was Sera's sister, that made her Raphie. Which meant that kid was Kat, Sera's niece and the older woman was... huh. Either mom or grandma. He'd go for mom; she didn't look too old. She wore her hair cut short and simple, no frills, no fuss. She looked like she didn't care much about what people thought of her. Kat, the youngest, seemed skittish and nervous, even in a family not known for its desire to get to know new people. There was a story there, he thought. Or hell, maybe it was just the anti-mutant times she was growing up in. The others had pretty much missed all the insanity. He hoped like hell whatever they knew to do would work; he already had it figured that no matter how long they stayed, it was already too long.  
  
Medlab was its usual nightmare scene. Terry had taken to sleeping curled around Sera's smaller body and all the tubes that kept her alive. The kid slept a lot. Logan had heard Jeannie talking about it with the prof. Saying that sleeping all the time was a sign of depression. Yeah, good guess, kid was depressed. Only thing like a decent family she had was laying on a slab. The Jannhansons, not exactly a rowdy bunch, got quieter upon seeing Terry. The kid, they did know; Sera took her back to the mountains for family trips and had said once that they had accepted the adopted girl just fine. If that was right, seeing her like this was maybe as bad as seeing Sera.  
  
Hank, good for him, seemed less disturbed by the Jannhansons and more fascinated. He just stared as the three women paraded into the lab close on Logan's heels.  
  
You must be Sera's family, the doctor said in his deep voice. How intriguing. You really are all identical.  
  
Doc, not now, muttered Logan. They're her to help Sera, not be part of a science experiment.  
  
I would never experiment on people, Logan! replied the larger man, clearly offended. A brief silence feel then, as Hank tried to collect himself. Perhaps someone would be so good as to make introductions here?  
  
Raphie stepped forward, obviously feeling that social niceties were useless. I'm Raphie, that's my mother, you call her Miss Celest, and that's my daughter, Kat. You must be Dr. McCoy. Sera's mentioned you. She looked at Terry a moment, and then added. If it's alright with you, we'd like to wake Terry up and have Kat spend some time with her. The healing part of this situation is too difficult for her to handle yet, but she is able to help and comfort Terry.  
  
Hank nodded, and Kat silently moved over to the bed to touch Terry's shoulder. Terry woke up slowly, confused; when she focused one the fact of her cousin standing in front of her, she wrapped herself around the smaller girl and began sobbing again. Logan winced and looked away, wishing he could block the sound as easy he blocked the sight. Ripped him to pieces, hearing the kid cry like. He hoped Kat could help, no one else had been able to do anything at all. Kat, even though she was smaller and younger, took Terry's weight like it was nothing, and whispering softly to the girl, began walking her out of the lab. Logan took a deep breath as Terry left. Things were just easier, without her having to see everything.  
  
All her words having been spoken, Raphie, with Miss Celest right beside her, walked over to Sera's beeping bed, to the wreckage of their wild one, the Jannhanson that got away. Miss Celest's eyes shut for a minute, a sign of deep emotion in such a composed woman. Raphie just stared, her face tight and angry. Abruptly, she turned away, grabbed Logan and dragged him off to a secluded corner.  
  
I cannot believe this! she spit angrily. We give you our dearest possession,   
we give you our Serendipity and this is how you treat her? This is what you let happen? I knew this was a mistake, I knew it was a mistake for her to hook up with you... you... mutants!  
  
Logan stared, incredulous, fighting the urge to slam her face first into a wall. Okay, for starters, you didn't give us anything. Sera made a choice, one she's damn proud of. And second, who the hell you calling mutant? You look in a mirror lately? You're not exactly miss perfect humanity here.  
  
It's not who we are, it's not how we choose to live. You people, you revel in it, you shove it in people's faces. It's disgusting. No wonder humans hate us. Hate you! And what good does all of this do? My sister is practically dead because of you!  
  
She helped save the lives of 13 kids, is what good it did.  
  
You're supposed to keep her safe; you're the big tough guy. What damn good are you, that she winds up like this?  
  
The words hit like a gut punch. Little close too home, that one.  
  
_   
Sera in black leather was not a threatening thing. Instead, it just looked like a come-on and Sera played that up, big time. He knew it was her empathy, the skill she had in making people feel what she wanted them to but it was still something to watch. The guards, every one of them male, what luck, saw tiny little Sera, all in leather and their libidos took right over. You could just see them thinking she couldn't be trouble, she was way too small and sexy for that. They came right up to her, Sera would touch their face and coo and the next thing, the guard would be on the ground, sleeping. Handy power, her ability to tell people's bodies what to do. There was almost nothing for the rest of the team to deal with. Wolverine could already picture Scott practically drooling in his desire to get her to play full time member of the team. Least he could rest assured that wasn't gonna happen. Sera was just makin' an exception here, she wasn't looking into going full time into the rescue business.  
  
Sera's antics, combined with the work of the rest of the team, had been enough to win them the time to find the kids, and get them almost all of the way out of there. Logan had to carry the one who was the worst hurt of them all. Sera said she didn't have enough time to get to know a new body well enough to heal it in this situation and he didn't argue with that. He just picked up the broken boy and took off at a run towards the Blackbird.  
  
It happened so fast, he almost didn't see it. Logan figured he'd never know why it had been Sera who had chosen to take that last guard on, but when they heard the clatter of boots come at a run, she was the first to turn. It was sheer bad luck that this one wasn't stupid, that he was with it enough to look past the appearance of Sera to the reality of the situation. It was all down hill from there. It only took a second for the guy to bring his gun up and slam Sera in the temple with it. Logan didn't even wanna think about why the guy was so careful not to kill what he had to know was a mutant.  
  
Course, it was the last thing he did, cause Logan was on him in a second, but none of that mattered. It didn't matter that it took Scott and Hank working together to tear Wolverine off his prey, or that the guy probably wasn't gonna be able to feed himself again, much less hurt anybody else. Sera was down. Sera was gone, and Hank was hauling her limp body back into the Blackbird at a run.  
  
_   
You don't know nothing, he managed to growl. She knew the risks.  
  
Raphie actually managed to look more disgusted than she had a minute ago. Screw that. We manage to get her awake again, I'm going to do my damnedest to take her back with us. The only thing she'll get out of being with you freaks is dead.  
  
The rage was creeping back in, coloring his vision red. No one talked to him like this, no one was this stupid. He could feel his claws, fighting to push through his flesh and into hers. But even that instinct was hurting him; he had made a vow to himself when Sera came back to him that he'd never hurt her again and this, this not-Sera in front of him looked like her and smelled like her but wasn't her was driving him nuts. The clashing desires put him closer to the edge than he already felt. She looked like Sera. How could anybody look so much like her and not be her?   
  
Make her better, Raphie, he managed to force out in words that were more snarl than speech. Cause I don't know how long I can go without hurting you.  
  
Raphie looked at him like he was an animal, worse than an animal. She says she's one of you mutants. But she's not, we're not like you, slaves to our instincts. We aren't mutants, we are Other. She said the word like a title, like it ought to mean something to him. It only pissed him off more. With one last look of repulsion, she swept past him, regal as a queen, and he roared his anger to the world.It only made things worse, knowing that giving into to that urge had only made her more sure she was right and the rest of them were wrong. He stalked off, knowing nothing good could come of him staying here any longer. Just another failure in his list of trying to do the right thing where she was concerned.   
  
Hank watched in professional fascination as the Jannhanson adults gathered around Sera. He had, of course, seen Sera act as a healer. In fact, he had been lucky enough to help her improve upon her skills. But even Sera at her best was nothing compared to the smooth precision of her sister and mother. Miss Celest was seated at Sera's head, one slim hand resting on the girl's temple gently. Raphie was first checking the instruments, clearly familiar with the workings of hospital equipment, and then moving to take her sister's hand in her own. There was a fluidity to her movements, a surety, that was lacking when Sera performed the same actions.  
  
The personal part of him, that part that he had to hide whenever he needed to be a doctor to the people he most cared about, just hoped the women would be able to do something, anything. Sera herself had helped some seriously injured people, but nothing this bad. Nothing this permanent. She stayed like this much longer, he was going to have to face the task of asking Logan if the life support should be pulled. Adding a healthy fear for his own life to the assortment of miseries that Hank was feeling.  
  
He could see when they left themselves and entered Sera. A certain emptiness came into the face, their eyes lost focus and their mouths went slack. He didn't know what they could do for her, in the state that she was in. Was there anything left to fix? Philosophers had been debating for centuries the question of what life was, trying to find that fine line between life and what came after. Even he could see how far gone she was. Machines breathed for her, they counted her heart beats, they fed her food. They showed that somewhere, deep inside, Sera's mind was still there. But nothing was coming to surface. What was there for the Jannhansons to help? But it had helped Logan, calling them and having them come. Times like this, sometimes all you could do was help the people who were left behind.   
  
He sat heavily down at his desk, staring blindly ahead. The people who were left behind. Wolverine had called the Jannhansons, and now he had retreated, no doubt to rend and maim holographic enemies in the Danger Room; when the room ran red with computerized blood, Logan could find some kind of a sense of peace. The youngest Jannhanson was upstairs, ministering to Terry, who was a walking wreck, losing the woman who had literally saved her life. That only left himself, and try as might, he couldn't think of anyone who was here to help him. Morosely, he booted up the computer, hoping to bury himself in his work. It was the only thing that he expected to to be able to find solace in.


	4. With Memory

With Memory 

Nobody, not even Sera, came into Logan's room without knocking. He was too much of a walking hair-trigger, always on guard and ready to fight. People usually tried to make as much noise as possible when passing the door, in order to avoid even the appearance of trying to sneak up on him.  
  
Not the Jannhansons. When the door pushed inward soundlessly and Logan snapped to his feet, claws at the ready, an unrepentant Miss Celest stood in the doorway. She was looking at his claws like they were some sort of children's toy, the type of thing little boys used to make themselves feel bigger. Logan glared back at her, and kept the claws. Like he cared what she thought.   
  
So, this is where my daughter lives.  
  
This is my room. Sera's across the hall. Or in her place in town.   
  
she sniffed and sat down in one of the two chairs.   
  
Frustrated, Logan pulled the claws in and tried to calm himself down. If he killed her, he'd never get Sera back and she was worth everything. You here for a reason, Celest?   
  
Miss Celest. And I'm here to... long pause as she looked him up and down in marked disdain. help you.  
  
Yeah, right. To what, a brain tumor? Look, _Miss_ Celest, you don't like me and I ain't real keen on you, so why don't we forget this crap and you just go on down and get back to making Sera better?  
  
Miss Celest would never do anything so unrestrained as lean anywhere, but she managed to give the impression of a body more at ease. She continued to stare at Logan, expressionless. Finally, she said, What do you know about brain damage?  
  
That it ain't good. What, I look like a doctor now? Hank's the doc, go pick his brain to pieces.   
  
The reason we don't intervene in cases like this is the damage is too severe. The brain is, as you may know, very important. If she were anyone but who she was, Logan might have thought that Miss Celest was being sarcastic. It's the home of thought, of learning, of memory, of feeling. Putting it to right when things go wrong is a daunting task, one that is beyond most people. Possibly even us. You would have to know someone intimately, to be able to fix what's broken. You would have to know them as well as they know themselves. A quiet fell then, as Miss Celest seemed to take her words inside herself, and turn them around, looking for meaning. Slowly, she seemed to come back to herself and continued speaking. And, although it shames me to admit it, I've never known my youngest daughter that well.  
  
Logan sat with a heavy thump onto the other chair. You askin' for my help?  
  
A nod of her head. You're my first choice, yes. You seem to know Sera quite well.  
  
So, what, yer just gonna ask some questions and then, bam, yer gonna know all about Sera? That seems a little to easy.  
  
It would be a little more complicated than that, yes. You see, to really see my daughter, to really come any closer to understanding her, I would need to see her from your point of view. There was a pause, while she stared at him in grudging admiration tinged with annoyance. You seem like you understand Sera.  
  
Logan snorted a laugh. You think that's true, yer right, you really don't know Sera. Another thought occurred to him. What do you mean, see her from my point of view?  
  
I would have to look at her from your eyes. From inside you.  
  
You wanna explain that in maybe a bit more detail?  
  
Miss Celest seemed to be looking for the right words. Have you ever had Sera heal you?  
  
I do my own healing.  
  
Then this will be harder to explain. I need to... go inside of you. I need to see things from inside your own feelings.  
  
You mean, get inside my head? At her nod of confirmation, he shook his head violently, just once. Uh-huh. No way. I don't let nobody inside my head, playing games. Nough people have already been in there, I don't need you there too.  
  
You let Sera in.  
  
You guys never get. Ya don't _let_ Sera do anything. She just does it. And yeah, I guess she gets mixed up there sometimes, but that's Sera, and she can't help it, and she don't stay long. It ain't you, coming in on purpose, messing about with the stuff that you find.  
  
You want her to get better? You were more than happy to ask us to turn our back on our principles. If you aren't willing to do the same for her, I'm going to join Raphie in suggesting that this is the wrong place for Sera to be in.  
  
Sera had, so far as Logan knew, never once listened to either her mother or her sister when it came to making choices for her life. On the otherhand, she had never once wound up near dead either, so maybe she would be making some different choices, once she got better. If she got better.   
  
If.   
Damn it!  
  
Fine, ya get to crawl around in my brain, if that's gonna help you any, which I can't see as it's gonna, but you don't get near any part I warn you away from. We clear, Miss Celest? There ain't going be no tampering. You leave everything the way that you found it.   
  
The slightest trace of relief showed in her eyes before she could hide it. Miss Celest was not one for showing the world that she was human. Coolly, she said, Thank you. I knew that you would be willing to help us.  
  
So, what, you gonna do it now? he braced himself, waiting for the invasion.  
  
But Miss Celest shook her head. No, I'm too tired from the trip. This is going to be hard enough on the both of us, without me being clumsy about it. We'll try tomorrow. Early.  
  
He grunted, not thrilled with the idea but willing to try for Sera. You sure this is gonna work? he muttered.  
  
Honestly? No. She is... she's very badly hurt. I don't know if anything can save her at this point.   
  
The sound of her voice, so like Sera's, caught his attention and he looked up, to see her staring away, staring out his window. He could swear her eyes were glassy with tears. Shit, another messed up woman. He wasn't up to this, couldn't deal with it at all. Let them go to old One Eye is they wanted to feel better. Think that's the first human emotion I seen you show yet, Miss C.  
  
He expected anger, had hoped for it. He couldn't handle tears, never could. Sera never cried around him, she just got pissed off; it was one of the reasons he was so crazy. But Celest obviously wasn't as easy to goad, cause the look on her face didn't change.  
  
I love my daughter, even if I don't understand her. If you think it's easy to look at someone you brought into the world, someone you loved, and see them dying, well then, maybe you don't care as much about my daughter as I thought you did.   
  
My daughter. My sister. Our Serendipity. We are Other. He could feel the Jannhansons pushing him away bit by bit, staking their claim to her. Pulling her away from him with every word, every comment. This wasn't even better yet, and they were taking her away. They though that would work, they were kidding themselves. Not gonna happen, no way.  
  
When she gets better, you ain't takin' her nowhere. She belongs here. This is where she wants to be.  
  
Celest finally turned to look at him and now she was mad, madder even than Raphie had been that afternoon. Didn't change her voice one bit , though; she still sounded like she was made out of ice. I blame you for this. You were the one she couldn't leave behind. Terry she could take anywhere, it was you she couldn't leave. Funny that, because as I understand, you do enough leaving for the both of you.  
  
You want my help, Miss Celest, why don't you get the fuck out of here before I get really mad? Fuck them for throwing that back at him. Sera understood. She didn't care that sometimes he just needed to hit he road. She didn't care. Maybe that first time, but he admitted he screwed up then, hurting her like that, dropping her like that.   
  
Miss Celest stood, moved to the door. Stopped, stared at Logan, and shook her head. I don't know what she sees in you. But I do know that you're our best chance of saving her. So here's what you can do, besides talking big. Why don't you sit down and really think about what it is you do understand about my daughter, what it is you do know. Cause that's what all be needing from you tomorrow, not those big claws you're so proud or those fists you can use. I need your head. See if you can find it before the morning. She was careful to slam the door on her way out, just another little way to mention how much she couldn't stand him.  
  
Fine. Fuck her. He knew plenty about Sera. They talked, they did stuff. He knew plenty. He knew enough to save her.  
  
_You forget, I can be anything I need to be.   
  
_And then she had been strong enough to take him on, strong enough to take anyone. But all the strength in the world wasn't enough to protect from a hit to the head, wasn't enough to keep her from going down.  
  
_I don't remember you needing to teach me anything,   
  
_I shoulda taught you not to go running at people like that. I shoulda taught you not to take on every guy that comes at you. Shoulda told, strength don't matter against some things. Strength don't matter at all, cause everyone's got their weak point. You were so good at finding other people's weak points, how is it you let someone right at yours? What the hell were you thinking, running at that last guy like that?  
  
_Go get em, darlin'. I'll be right behind you . Enjoying the view.  
_   
Wasn't close enough. Not near close enough. Swear to God, you get better, I'll never let you get that far away again. never let you get hurt again. Shit, darlin', I swear I won't fuck up again. Won't screw this up. Won't let you get worse. Hell, what if your family is right, what if this is my fault?  
  
Almost without thought, Logan reached out, grabbed the back of the nearest chair, and slowly crushed it.   
  
I'm not gonna screw up again. Not again. Not with you.  
  
  
He hadn't been able to go into Sera's room since she got hurt. Smelled too much like her, had too many damn memories in there. He went in now though, trying to learn more about her, trying to be ready for tomorrow, when her mama went crawling through his brain.  
  
Shit. It was Sera's stuff. They didn't have one of those relationship things, where he felt all comfortable going through her stuff. Felt like a damn peeping Tom, is what he felt like.   
  
There, okay, that was pretty benign; picture sitting out on her computer table. Logan picked it up, stared. Oh, yeah, yeah, he knew this. Dark silver frame, snapshot of Sera, Terry and Logan, looking like a family. It was her favorite picture, he knew that. He remembered how happy she had been that day. School been having a picnic and the three of them had been relaxing all day. It wasn't real posed, they were just hanging around, talking. Kinda family like, maybe. In the picture, he had his arm around her, and Terry, taller than the both of them, was laughing down at them. Sera had this great smile on her face, like she had everything in the world that she wanted. Didn't take a lot to make the woman happy.   
  
Logan put down the picture carefully, gently. He wanted things to look good in her when she came back. Wanted things to look perfect. Wanted her to be happy.  
  
There was a leather coat tossed over one of the chairs. Long and black, he remembered her bitching about how it had to be fixed special so that it didn't drag in the floor. She hated how little she was, how sometimes people just looked past her. He loved her size, thought that she fit perfectly with him. He couldn't remember a time when he had ever looked past her to someone else. Once he met her, that was it. If she was in the room, he was hard pressed to notice other people there.   
  
She'd been wearing that coat the day she came back to him. He could still remember the smell, the feel of the wet leather when she told him that he was what she wanted. Logan had always thought-- hell, still thought-- that she deserved a lot better, but she had never agreed. She wanted only what he could give, never any more. It was all she could give, too. Relationships, Logan had heard her tell Jean once, were what other people had. She was good just the way that she was. Face contorted in pain, he picked the leather jacket up in a fist and breathed deep. Yeah, that was the smell he knew. Cinnamon and leather and something that was just Sera. Just his.   
  
That just plain sucked. Celest didn't know what she was asking, saying he ought to try to remember everything he knew about her kid. This was like walking through hell. Hurt like nothing he coulda imagined, and not the kind of hurt the could fix, either. Dropping like the leather like it burned, he spun around, trying to find something less emotionally loaded than the old coat.  
  
Aw, hell. There on the wall, framed, Terry's adoption certificate. Plain looking thing. She had glowed like the sun the day she and the kid had come home from the courthouse. He asked once, what the big deal was, why she needed to make it legal. She had gotten this look, hard to explain, almost confused, like she was trying to explain something that made perfect sense to her and zero sense to anyone else on the planet. Terry, she had told him, was hers. Terry was always supposed to be hers. It was a mistake that Terry had wound up with those people who beat her and almost killed her, but now that Sera had found the kid, her kid, she wasn't lettingTerry go at all. It wasn't quite a mother/daughter relationship. Sera only had fourteen years on the kid, and hadn't even met the girl until she was eleven. It was some weird mix of mother, and sister and friend. Seemed to work for them.   
  
Sera was great at being a mom. Woman like that, she ought to have kids of her own. She was unofficial mama to half the kids at school. Anyone all broken up over teen love, or stressed cause they blew a big quiz, or missed the parents that sure didn't seem to miss them, they went to Sera's place in town. She had given up preventing it, or keeping the apartment as a private sanctuary for her and Terry. No, now she had put up this sign-up sheet in the T.V. room; Sundays at Sera's it said and if the kids were interested, they put there names down and showed up that Sunday afternoon. It was the whole homey thing, cooking dinner, Sera nagging them about homework. Mom stuff.  
  
Thoughts he had never had strayed through Logan's head. Had she ever wanted kids of her own? Ones that were really her blood? Nah, that was stupid. Sera wanted a kid, she could just go ahead and have one. Jannhansons didn't need men for that; they just need to really put their mind to it and wham, nine months later, there's another perfect little Jannhanson girl, ready for the world. What more could she want?  
  
Okay, he needed something that didn't make him think so much. He turned helplessly through the room, looking for something he knew about her, something he felt okay about touching, about pawing through like an animal. Right, there we go. The card from the last guy to tattoo Sera. She had gone searching though all those old books about Ancient Egypt, worked out how to write joy' in hieroglyphics. She had gotten it done in black ink as an arm band around her left bicep. Looked pretty cool. He had never really gone way in for tattoos on women before, but Sera's suited her. He couldn't even picture her without the wings on her back, or the weird triangle pattern that she had on the small of her back. She loved to wear low-slung jeans, and he could always see it, peeking out whenever she turned her back to him...  
  
Okay, no more, that had to be enough. Everything brought it back to him, how much he wanted her, and not just to talk to, either. He had to get out of here, had to get away from all of this. He'd do what he could, this just wasn't his thing.  
  
Fuck this. He needed a drink. He needed to take something down, he needed to loose these feelings that were almost eating him alive.  



	5. New Truths

Four hours later found Logan in the kitchen, clothes torn from a brutal session in the Danger Room, drinking cold beer and trying not to think of anything. All he wanted to do was get drunk, but for him, that took a lot of work and concentration. Eyes closed, he leaned back in the chair he had crashed in, and tried to think drunk thoughts. All he wanted was to get away from this, somehow, some way.  
  
So this is how you plan to help my sister? By killing off every brain cell you have? The fact that you barely seem to have a brain would make me think you would be more careful about how you treated it.  
  
Raphie. Vicious bedside manner that gal had. Hospital of hers must be hard-up for nurses, to keep someone as nasty as her on staff.  
  
Ain't you a breath of fresh air, he muttered sarcastically, not bothering to open his eyes. Fact was, she did smell good, almost as good as Sera. He missed that smell, how it seemed to come alive on her skin. She never needed anything like perfume, all she needed was herself. The medlab had taken even that little pleasure away from him. Now she just smelled like antiseptic and the faint, copper tang of blood from the holes that the I.V.s left in her.   
  
You're a drunk, Logan, and a stupid one at that. I never thought Sera's taste was so bad. That Charm man she brought home, he was about a million times the man you are.  
  
You got such a high opinion of me, darlin', maybe you better stick with calling me Wolverine. You ain't exactly what I would call a friend.  
  
She kicked his feet off the table, making his chair crash back down on all four of its legs, and causing him to lurch forward. Muttering under his breath, he opened his eyes to see Raphie. She had unbraided her hair. The long stuff was silky and wild, screaming to be touched, to be tangled in. So that was what Sera would look like with long hair. Pretty sexy, really. Wonder if he could talk her into when she got better? It was still damn well creepy, looking at Raphie. She was enough like Sera to be her twin. At least there was a big enough age difference with the others, that it wasn't this hard to look at them. She was glaring at him, and that made it worse, cause it reminded him of when he and Sera were still at each other's throats. Fun times, those. Sure, he hadn't been getting any, but there was a certain thrill in not knowing whether she was going to jump his bones or try to rip them out of his body. Wild ride with that girl, it always was. He stared meditatively at Raphie, feeling the booze swirl though his blood.   
  
You know, girl, if you were your sister, I'd have you on the floor right now.  
  
Raphie looked at him, purely disgusted, and dropped into one of the empty chairs. Oh, yeah, I wanted to know that.  
  
Hey, you're the one always saying you don't know how she sees in me. Ever think that might be it? He smirked at her, tipping the chair back. Damn, why wasn't she Sera, why did she have to be so much like Sera? It messed him up, the way she looked, the way she moved, the way she smelled...  
  
No one's that good, snorted Raphie.  
  
Nah, you ain't that different from your sister. Right now, you're wishing you were her.  
  
God, could you have more of an ego? Get your mind out of your pants, already. Why the hell are you drinking? Mama said you promised you were going to help, not that I think that you're going to be that much help, and here you are, pickling your brain. Good one.  
  
Have you know, I'm drinking cause I'm letting your witch of a mother crawl through my brain. Ain't the kind of thing that lets a man sleep easy, you know what I mean?  
  
So you're a coward.  
  
Just not pleased. I don't get scared. Not of anything. Give it up, I don't give a rat's ass about what you think of me. Sera thinks enough of me to make up for all you witches.   
  
She gave up her whole life for sex with a guy who has claws? Her disgust had sounded almost friendly before; now it was pure antipathy. He coulda sworn he felt the temperature drop in the room.  
  
Well, darlin', I'd say you never know until you try, but I think bits of me would freeze and fall off. Maybe you can just ask Sera, once she gets better.  
  
The word was spit out like a bullet. Had to give her courage; no one else would ever talk to him like that. At least not more than once. It never even crosses that pathetic excuse for a mind, does it? The fact that she may never get better doesn't spent one half a second in there. You really are scum. I came here trying to like you, wanting to like you, because Sera's so bloody crazy about you, and the only damn time I hear you even talk about her, all you can talk about is sex. You don't deserve her, you don't deserve to be in the same world as her. You're detestable.  
  
The Jannhanson women weren't into violence, or else Logan figured she'd be directing some at him right about now. She sounded mad enough to kill. Feeling pretty damn ready for a good fight, he stood up, and grabbed at her shoulder. His claws were fighting to come out and damned if he didn't want them to. She could fix any hurt that he caused. He wanted to shred her, destroy her and then looking at her, seeing Sera's eyes staring at him, he wanted something else. Even thinking that for a second, thinking he could want this not-Sera, was enough to make him see red. The buzz it had taken him so long to get, and the brief moment of peace it had given him, were long gone. All her fault.  
  
He snarled down at her, trying to picture her with someone else's face, someone's else body, so he could hurt her and not give a rip. So he could look at her without imaging what he would be doing if this were Sera. You ever think that maybe I don't say one word to you cause you happen to be a judgmental bitch? You ever think maybe I don't think the details of what Sera and I got are any of your freakin' business? You ever think that maybe I just don't want to think about it for one minute? You think this doesn't touch me? Then all your empathy's a waste, cause you don't see one damn thing you don't want to see. Must be an ugly little world you live in. Guess I know why Sera wanted away from you guys so bad. She's better than the lot of you put together, damned if she isn't. Now get he hell away from me. I had a good drunk going and you ain't going to be the one to ruin it. He squeezed her arm roughly, before letting her go.  
  
She stood up carefully, looking at him like dirt under her feet, looking at him like she would vote for every one of those anti-mutant laws, if it meant getting rid of things like him. Her face was cold. Yeah, I'd hate to think of you sober and actually caring about my sister. By all means, go crawl back into your bottle. Just know that if tomorrow doesn't work, I'm going to hold you responsible. Since it's clear that Sera doesn't mean anything more to you than a warm body, I'm amazed you even bothered to call us. She stalked out of the room and it was all Logan could do, not to throw the table after her.  
  
_Logan?_  
  
What the fuck!? That you, Jean?  
  
_You were expecting maybe somebody else? _ A pause then, Jean giving him a chance to calm down. _I heard some of that. Rough time with the in-laws?  
  
_Who knew that would be such cast-iron bitches?  
_  
You did the right thing calling them, though, Logan. You know you did. Come on, isn't it worth it to put up with them a little while if it means getting Sera back?  
  
_What, you ain't like Raphie there, thinking I only want Sera for her body?  
  
_You remember, I saw you two from the begining. I know it's more than that. _He could feel her thoughts take on a soft tinge of concern. _And I'm awful for not asking sooner, Logan. Who are you holding up through all of this?  
  
_He steeled his mind, willing it not to leak any of the pain or confusion he felt. Not anyone's business but his own, how he felt. But even saying nothing seemed to say a lot to Jeannie.  
  
_You ought to go to her, Logan. It will make both of you feel better.  
  
_Terry's got a better right.  
  
_She's with Kat, up in Sera's room. They're sleeping there tonight. Go on down to Medlab. It'll help.  
  
_Night, Jeannie.  
  
_I can take a hint with the best of them. Go get some rest.  
  
_Logan thought about the Medlab, about the machines that kept Sera linked to the world of the living, about the way she smelled like a hospital now. Seeing her there... he felt helpless. He never felt helpless, never felt weak like this. But standing by her bed, staring down at her, he felt huge and clumsy, sure there was no way that we could touch her without causing her pain. He couldn't go there, he couldn't. The sight of her hurting drove him near crazy.   
  
Then he remembered what it was like to fall asleep next to her body, they way they fit together, the warmth of her smooth skin against his own, rougher body. He missed that, and he never thought he would. He couldn't belive how addicted to this woman he had gotten so fast. How hard it was to be without her. Maybe Jeannie was right, maybe he ought to go there. He figured he'd get used to the smell eventually, get past the fear. He'd never been afraid before.  
  
Stumbling some, he made his way to the Medlab and the bed of machines that held Sera. He tried to ignore everything but her, tried to just see her face and act like she was just sleeping, that this was any other night, but it wan't going to happen. It was hard to deal with the tubes and the needles and the cords. There were things on her hands, things on her legs, bottles hooked to tubes going into her arm. Everything beeped, or hummed, or pulsed and wheezed. How on earth did Terry manage to fit with all that stuff and never dislodge any of it? She was a freaking Houdeini, is what. He was just glad that for once, it didn't smell like Hank was here. It didn't think he could stand to see what sort of look the doc would get on his face, if he were to see Logan show up here, trying to fit into Sera's bed. This was private stuff, the fact that he had come here.   
  
The bed was a mystery-maze of the best advances in modern medicine. Working it out like a puzzle, he finally decided to slide Sera just a little over, moving her closer to the I.V.s and the bottles, leaving some tube-free room for him on the left. Carefully, he crawled into what was left of the bed and put his arms around her. It wasn't the same, there was a lack of resitance to her skin that reminded him horribly of dead people, but it was still better than nothing. Her body was still warm, and this close to her, he could smell the faintest tang of cinnamon lingering in her hair, almost buried under hospital-smell. Letting out a deep breath he hadn't realized that he had been holding, he closed his eyes. Yeah, this was better than booze, Jeannie was right. This was what he needed to sleep. His eyes drifted slowly shut and he feel asleep counting the breaths that her respirator took for her, and listening to the slow and steady beat of her heart.   
  
_Whipping through the halls of the lab complex, staying fast without actually running, a trick he knew he hadn't taught her, Sera spared Logan a fast glance.  
  
What's with the frown, Wolfman? I tought this was your cup of tea? There was laughter in her eyes, and in her voice.  
  
Not a game, Sera. You oughta know that.  
  
I thought getting to beat the ever living crap out of people was your idea of fun, was her only response.  
  
Look, you oughta be letting me handle this stuff. You ain't a fighter, yer her for the kids.  
  
And I gotta be a fighter for the kids. And if I do it, I don't know,. it makes it easier, cause I know they're gonna wake up again. They're evil, but I ca't kill them, can't let them die.  
  
No one's asking you to, darlin' girl. You know that we ain't into killing.  
  
He made a point of not reading the look that she shoot him after **that **line. There were times he didn't wanna know what she was feeling, some times when he appreciated the busy hum of her thoughts that kept her feelings from leaking onto him. They oughta be poison to each other, they oughta be the bane of each other's existance, the way their emotions bleed onto each other, the way they flared when they were together. This would be bad time to forget himself and lose himself in her.   
  
A noise to the side, and he had struck out, hitting before Sera could react, leaving a guard motionless on the floor. She turned, made an aborted gesture towards the guard before she caught the warning in Wolverine's eyes: we don't fix these guys. That guard was gonna stay down. The lab's own medics, if they had any, could handle their man. And hey, if they didn't have medics, well, no skin off Logan's nose.   
  
Easy, girl, he growled as gently as possible, when he saw she was mad that he hadn't het her deal with the guard. You ain't superhero of the month. You don't gotta take out all of them. Leave a few for the rest of us.  
  
Logan saw her eyes briefly then, felt her emotions flood over him like a wave, pulling back into herself so fast, he couldn't be sure what she felt.  
  
He thought it was fear.  
  
Of him.  
  
_Logan woke with a suddenly, jerking only a little as he came back awake, working hard not to jolt Sera, although he suspected very little else could hurt her at this point.  
For one blearly half-second, he forgot what woke him, then the memories came spilling back. Awww, hell, he figured it out, he'd figured out why Sera had run for that last guard, why she had been willing to get hurt.  
  
She didn't trust Wolverine. She didn't trust him not to kill, to pull his blows when he could. She thought he was a killer.  
  
The hell of it was, he figured she was right on all those counts.  
  
Even with her body against his, and her scent in his lungs, he lay on the bed and wondered if her opinion of him was any better than her family's opinion of him. Maybe he was the warm body.  
  
In a voice so quiet, he could barely hear it himself, he muttered aloud. Hell, darlin', what are you doing with me? But even lost in doubt, he couldn't bring himself to leave the dim and shaded light of the medlab. She would get better, and they would, god forbid, talk about this. He had to know the words somewhere.  
  
Sleep took it's own sweet time coming back.  



End file.
